.jpg)
What the hell?
No Boyleing Points column in this week's WAVE?
I immediately assumed something sinister was afoot and from there the conspiracy theories grew like the black mold on the walls of my house immediately after Sandy.
My years of experience in law enforcement kicked in and I immediately set about compiling and then examining a list of the unusual suspects who may have played a part in this mystery.
Suspect#1: Dan Guarino...Hoping to expand the print space allotted to his weekly Broad Channel Bits column, could Dan have abandoned an erstwhile close working relationship with our favorite editor and had him "whacked"? Nah! I'm writing this off as too many Soprano reruns!
Suspect#2: Phil Goldfeder...In an effort to expand his sporadic Official Point of View column submissions to a larger, The Only Point of View column, could our favorite Assemblyman have caused harm to come to wordsmith Boyle? Nope! I saw Phil last night at the Broad Channel Civic meeting...his alibi is ironclad. Obviously spending too much time viewing this season's House of Cards on NetFlix!
Suspect#3: Beth Hanning...Could our local Slice of Life author have "sliced and diced" Kevin
as a means of furthering her journalist career? Again, no way. All one has to do was read her column this week's edition, Thanks for the Memories...Whatever They Were, to know that even if she had contemplated such an action, it would have quickly slipped her mind.
Suspect#4: Dr. Nancy Gahles, DC, CCH, RSHom(NA)...As a means of garnering additional print space to make up for the alphabet that follows her name at her Health and Harmony column's head, could our good Doctor have forsaken the Hippocratic Oath and slipped Mr. Boyle a medicinal potion designed to cause writer's block? I dismissed this possibility knowing that the many hours spent by our editor searching for the perfect $3 beer and the penultimate pizza throughout the peninsula has rendered him immune to such to such intervention.
Suspect#5: Assemblywoman Michelle Titus...Having been the recipient of some less than glowing coverage in recent editions of the WAVE, could Assemblywoman Titus have sought out Editor Boyle as an act of revenge? Nope! That would mean she would have had to come to Rockaway to confront Kevin and she's much to shy to do that.
I was still running down my list of suspects (Katie McFadden, Marilyn Gelfand, Miriam Rosenberg, etc.) when my email service announced I had received the following message from Kevin Boyle himself explaining the absence of this week's Boyleing Points column...
No Boyleing Points column in this week's WAVE?
I immediately assumed something sinister was afoot and from there the conspiracy theories grew like the black mold on the walls of my house immediately after Sandy.
My years of experience in law enforcement kicked in and I immediately set about compiling and then examining a list of the unusual suspects who may have played a part in this mystery.
Suspect#1: Dan Guarino...Hoping to expand the print space allotted to his weekly Broad Channel Bits column, could Dan have abandoned an erstwhile close working relationship with our favorite editor and had him "whacked"? Nah! I'm writing this off as too many Soprano reruns!
Suspect#2: Phil Goldfeder...In an effort to expand his sporadic Official Point of View column submissions to a larger, The Only Point of View column, could our favorite Assemblyman have caused harm to come to wordsmith Boyle? Nope! I saw Phil last night at the Broad Channel Civic meeting...his alibi is ironclad. Obviously spending too much time viewing this season's House of Cards on NetFlix!
Suspect#3: Beth Hanning...Could our local Slice of Life author have "sliced and diced" Kevin
as a means of furthering her journalist career? Again, no way. All one has to do was read her column this week's edition, Thanks for the Memories...Whatever They Were, to know that even if she had contemplated such an action, it would have quickly slipped her mind.
Suspect#4: Dr. Nancy Gahles, DC, CCH, RSHom(NA)...As a means of garnering additional print space to make up for the alphabet that follows her name at her Health and Harmony column's head, could our good Doctor have forsaken the Hippocratic Oath and slipped Mr. Boyle a medicinal potion designed to cause writer's block? I dismissed this possibility knowing that the many hours spent by our editor searching for the perfect $3 beer and the penultimate pizza throughout the peninsula has rendered him immune to such to such intervention.
Suspect#5: Assemblywoman Michelle Titus...Having been the recipient of some less than glowing coverage in recent editions of the WAVE, could Assemblywoman Titus have sought out Editor Boyle as an act of revenge? Nope! That would mean she would have had to come to Rockaway to confront Kevin and she's much to shy to do that.
I was still running down my list of suspects (Katie McFadden, Marilyn Gelfand, Miriam Rosenberg, etc.) when my email service announced I had received the following message from Kevin Boyle himself explaining the absence of this week's Boyleing Points column...
"Sometimes I don't write just to see if anyone notices."
No murder? No mayhem? No political skullduggery? No medical malpractice? No journalistic chicanery?
Alas, simply a case not unlike that of Sherlock Holmes Silver Blaze solved by the absence of an expected fact that a dog did not bark. A column was not published, ergo a column was not written.
Case closed.
My point is that even when Boyle doesn't publish, he still manages to stir the pot.
I guess Boyle just learned we have a 24/7 watchman at the helm, EHH !!
ReplyDelete