Wednesday, September 7, 2016

An Early Halloween Tale of the Irish Alps, Crocs, Skulls, Mortuaries, Rabbits, Goats, Wizards, Magical Potions and an Over Serving Bar Tender!

Each year, starting in early September, I start to develop a really annoying skull growth on my shoulder which lasts until the end of October at which time it mysteriously disappears.

Danny Maher, Grace Arnemann, Yours Truly and Diane Focarino
This year the growth appeared (right on schedule) while myself and Grace spent the Labor Day weekend up in the Irish Alps (East Durham) while visiting the "Rigger and Mortis Mortuary"at the Blackthorne Resort's Haunted House  along with our friends and neighbors, Danny Maher and Diane Focarino.  (That's me, second from the right with the over sized crocs on my feet.)

Diane got a little tired hearing me continually complain about the growth and just before the above picture was taken, she reached out and ripped the appendage clear off telling me to "get over yourself and you might also want to lose those Ronald McDonald shoes you have on!" 

Unfortunately, before I could even say "ouch", yet another growth immediately reappeared on my shoulder even as she had the first securely tucked in her left arm!

The Wise Rabbit
Later that same day I had a conversation with a wise rabbit, whose name escapes me at the moment, that I came across while roaming the grounds of the resort feeling sorry for myself. In passing I mentioned my annual problem with the skull growth on my shoulder and the rabbit advised me to seek out and commune with "Pepper", the free-ranging goat of the resort, for his advice. As I departed the rabbit pulled me aside and said "Do yourself a favor and loss those boats on your feet...they look like clown shoes!"

"Pepper" the Goat
After yet another lengthy stroll around the grounds of the resort, I chanced upon "Pepper" and after much discussion he recommended I seek the counsel of the "Blackthorne  Wizard of Peculiar Occurences."   When I inquired where I could find this Wizard the goat replied, "Just keep walking around, you'll know him when you see him!"  As I was leaving the goat added, "By the way lose the Crocs, they look like clown shoes!"

Wizard of Peculiar Occurrences
It took some time but during a leisurely walk along the resorts side road I came across the abode of the reclusive "Wizard of Peculiar Occurrences" (pictured above) and after introducing myself, I explained my problem to the resorts necromancer.  He recommended that I seek out the aid of the on duty bartender at the resorts pub and ask that he provide me with copious amounts of a mixture of green creme de menthe and brandy known as the "Christmas Tree Potion" which should serve to correct my condition. As I was walking away I heard the Wizard remark to no one specifically, "Do you believe this guy walking around the resort in those clown shoes?"

Evening was drawing nigh as I departed the Wizard's residence and hurried to the Blackthorne Pub where I explained to the on duty mixologist that I had a prescription from the Wizard for the "Christmas Tree Potion."  Initially the bartender was somewhat reluctant to provide me the elixir but after several assurances that I was of sound mind (OK - I lied!) the requested concoction was finally provided.  I thanked him and added, "Keep them coming!"  And he did! His only request was that I keep my shoes hidden under my bar stool as the kids in the pub might think I was part of a clown act!

The above picture is my last clear remembrance of that particular evening seeking a magical remedy for my embarrassing condition in the Pub.

Late the following morning my beloved Grace asked me how I was feeling and I responded, "Like I have two heads!".  She simply said, "You still do."   She also  told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was henceforth prohibited from hanging out with any of the animals on the grounds of the resort and further, that I was expressly forbidden from any contact whatsoever with my new found steampunk friend the "Wizard of Peculiar Occurences" and his penchant for prescribing magical (actually Grace described it as intoxicating) elixirs.

As far as the skull on my shoulder is concerned, it is still there and I guess will be until the day after Halloween, as usual!

All of the above notwithstanding, I had a hell of a time this past weekend even though I am still sporting a skull growth on my shoulder and wearing my crocs!  

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